if you were an ocean

lesson:

2009-12-28T01:03:13Z

we imagine the possibilities to reanimate our passions.

i am so excited for 2010

2009-12-09T16:04:20Z

i guess that this must be the place.

reactionary

2009-12-03T03:09:11Z

pick your battles better.

just stop and think. before you act.

happy december.

2009-12-02T03:33:45Z

i'm still young because i still blast the radio, jump around in my apt. half naked when i shouldn't and have strong desires to stay up late, have people over, bounce around on a bed, and essentially be reckless and free.

what a day. what a year.

growing pains.

2009-11-13T23:34:57Z

i'm learning the word cautious, like never before. inside and out. vowels and consonants.
and responsible. managing risk and investing.

and torn. very torn.

oh logic. that thing i never thought would kick in. let's hope i'm not settling into some mediocrity. or stagnancy. let's hope it's just a bug.

never have a read a quote more apt, or timely.

2009-10-09T03:07:45Z

"Everything happens only a certain number of times, and a very small number really. How many more times will you remember a certain afternoon of your childhood, some afternoon that is so deeply a part of your being that you can't even conceive of your life without it? Perhaps four or five times more, perhaps not even that. How many more times will you watch the full moon rise? Perhaps twenty. And yet it all seems limitless."

amendments

2009-09-18T18:36:31Z

i really hate not getting what i want. especially when i want it.

it makes me do things that i would not normally do, go to extremes to get it.

i may need to change this in order to become a better person, all around. at least i know what the problem is now, right? it's a doosy.

in need of desperate shoe counseling.

2009-08-28T03:14:15Z

stuart or manolo? that is the question. whether tis' nobler....etc. etc.

maybe not shoe, maybe debt.

sigh!

and when everything else is gone, you can be rich in loss.

2009-08-05T00:57:50Z

cleaning my apt. has never felt so good. it's not just rearranging some things. redecorating. it's deliberating reorganizing the thoughts in my head, my ambitions, my plans. everything. deliberately and subconsciously. it's the only thing that feels good right now, besides the hint of humidity. i don't even mind it when it is like this.

my picture window looks different to me now, maybe i am beginning to see things differently. last night i talked and talked and talked and talked. i didn't know i had that in me. just waiting to be said, to be explain and parsed through.

and now i feel the need to be quiet and solitary. everything just falls into place.

i was really happy.

2009-07-17T04:04:36Z

tonight was beautiful. i watched a suburban pick up softball game as the sunset, behind a post office, in a park next to train tracks. i raced my dad on a bike and tried to entertain a baby. my dad told me about the beagles that the mail people feed across the street. i was happy and i felt alive and wonderful. more please.

i'm having a hard time

2009-07-11T01:33:32Z

and all my nervous ticks are showing.

i thought this was supposed to be the best summer of my life?

how i would like to be a big fish in a little pond

2009-07-10T00:00:43Z

"when there is nothing left to burn, you must set yourself on fire."

Like This!

it never seemed so strange

2009-07-06T00:25:21Z

july, july!

shampoo boycott.

2009-06-15T04:18:23Z

why do i always end up with perfect curly hair right before i go to bed? never fails.

story of my life!

Save tonight

2009-05-15T18:09:25Z

I feel like I am in a movie.

fight the break of dawn

it appears i will be the only one finishing this damn thing ever.

2009-04-20T02:48:01Z

70/100

i am completely petrified of getting alzheimers when i am old. it would be a sick, sick joke on me in particular. is it not enough to already be completely proustian in my daydreamy musings?

71/100

i miss playing the piano at very odd occurrences. like when i listen to joni mitchell, or want to put another piece of furniture in my apartment.

72/100
sylvia plath is fascinating to me, and may always be. i don't think that's cliche at all. see statement 12 on vanity. yes, all the way back.

73/100
my feet have lost a size and half since high school. what does that mean?!

74/100
i am working out in shoes that are at least, from junior year of highschool. i really need a new pair of running shoes.

75/100
i haven't received my new york times sunday paper in two weeks and this makes me especially depressed since i missed the style design issue. drat.

76/100
i am still an overachiever. i take on way too much, but hey, it keeps me going i guess.

77/100
senior year of high school was amazing, in every way ever. it's weird that my brother is going to franklin. it's weird that he is 15!

78/100
i am really diggin' detroit public radio, it's very soothing and they have great taste in jams.

79/100
i love good spring rain, and romantic french movies. and tomato basil mozzarella sandwiches.

80/100
On the whole i make no apologizes for the largeness of my sunglasses. i have very light sensitive eyes, curse of being blue.

81/100
bra shopping for me is like trying to find a needle in a very bland(read beige) haystack. why can't someone make sexy bras for girls with real breasts? i'm just saying. and victoria's secret is shit.

82/100
i am going to find some time to begin my new writing project this week if it kills me

83/100
i will be getting my bangs trimmed this week as well. i always try to hold out until they look really ridiculous. i'm not sure why, because it's only like 10 bucks and five minutes of my time.

doesn't take too much to upset her

2009-04-11T17:37:26Z

sometimes, i am just so happy.

sicky

2009-03-29T05:07:57Z

maybe we have to get a little messed up, before we can step up,

how embarassing! thank goodness for good friends

fact

2009-03-25T05:45:38Z

59/100

i would be a terrible heroin addict. the slightest prick of a needle to draw some blood has left me with ridiculous green line bruises on my left inner elbow. is there a word for that patch of skin? if the elbow's the outside, what's the inside called anyway?

i'd be so obvious. good thing...

more numbers

2009-03-20T03:59:54Z

54/100

i have seriously scary, vivid, semi hallucinogenic dreams. most of the time i remember right when i wake up, but then forget. this compounds itself when i'm feverish, i've recently learned. trippy.

55/100

i love habitual driving. i find it very soothing and a time when i can just ruminate on things. it something i do religiously, more than anything that is remotely religious

56/100

i never will get another tetanus shot again in my life!

57/100

i like that you call me and we talk for hours and we laugh and reminisce and surmise. i hope whatever happens we never lose that.

58/100
i am very squeamish about blood. period.

numbers

2009-03-15T05:16:31Z

44/100
i'm a shopaholic.

45/100
i had an unhealthy craving for salt today that was satiated by plentiful amounts of soy sauce and pretzels.

46/100
i have a hormonal/thyroid problem that seriously needs to be looked at.

47/100
i use line/wrinkle reducing cream for under my eyes. see my statements with regards to vanity. (to the lady at the counter, yes mam, i am 23 and your cleavage is showing excessively, now give me my damn sample)

48/100
i have a serious problem with my mom's dog sometimes because he bites. i know he's had a rough life, but i've never been around dogs that do that.

49/100
i am very anxious for spring. more so this year, than in years past.

50/100
i can't believe it's already march, the middle of march actually.

51/100
i had a serious existential crisis on friday--i'm pretty sure that while i like my plateau that i've hit, that i felt the first pang of my mortality. i'm worried there's not enough time and it feels kinda like i'm short of breath when i think about it.

52/100
i've been single for so long, and i've grown quite used to it. i'd like to think that i will one day look back and realize that right now, i have it made.

53/100
i love andrew bird. alot. and birds.

tax money

2009-03-05T05:15:37Z

while i am thinking:

chicago-- may 13-17( 2 vacay days)

washington d.c. early may or end of may?( 1 vacay day)

miami? end of june?(2 vacay days)

milwaukee/madison- july 17-20 (2 vacay days)

san francisco- august (3 vacay days)

nyc-october

what a kick ass summer!

every other weekend will be the ultimate staycation!

i'll be happy when i hit 3 of these, at least two i've never been too. i'm really pulling for san francisco.
let's see how far we can stretch the budget.

sidenote

2009-03-03T06:21:59Z

43/100

i'm 23!

you look like audrey hepburn when you get all dressed up.

2009-03-03T04:16:36Z

37/100
i'd like to take a creative writing course this summer

38/100
i am not going to bed tonight until my apt. is significantly cleaner

39/100
i love going to the movies!

40/100
i need a date to this black tie event on saturday, please!

41/100
i wish i had insomnia so that i could read late at night.

42/100
i really need to go to the doctor, i think there is something wrong with my thyroid. in all seriousness.

how could you be so, cold as the winter when the wind blow

2009-02-18T00:43:47Z

mostly accurate, some definitely uncanny.

opening credits:
cry for everything bad that's ever happene. le tigre

waking up:
since you went away. dear nora

first day of school:
teenager. camera obscura.

losing virginity:
carpetbaggers. jenny lewis feat. elvis costello
perfect. seriously.

fight song:
get it faster.jimmy eat world.

break-up:
broken drum.beck

prom:
love and war. rilo kiley

life:
you're a loose cannon McArthur... But you get the job done.the most serene republic

mental breakdown:
breakdown.jack johnson

driving:
the bleeding heart show.the new pornographers

flashback:
moonshiner.jolie holland

getting back together:
don't thank me. the french kicks

birth of a child:
daughter. pearl jam

final battle:
sister jack-spoon

end credits:
kissing you- theme from romeo and juliet-Des'Re

hmph.